by Barbara Dubos
Olga thought about her marriage to Roman. She remembered the day of her wedding and how her grandmother gave her gold coins wrapped in a lace trimmed handkerchief and told her never to tell anyone. She clutched the handkerchief as if it was the last piece of security. The thought of Roman nauseated her now. He promised a better life in Slovakia and never delivered. What could she do? She gave birth to his two children back in Slovakia while he pursued his dreams in America. As time passed, the gold coins became a source of comfort. Again, Olga clutched the handkerchief that contained the gold coins tightly as if she were holding her future in her hand. She was afraid. Roman did not meet her at the train station in New York when she arrived in America, she was unnerved. She felt a sharp pain in her stomach. The pain felt like a red- hot poker going deep into her core. Her thoughts raced about what her future in America was going to be like for her and her family. She looked over at Johnny and Mary, her two small children, and rested her head and closed her eyes.
Occasionally, Olga caught a glimpse now and then out the train window at the rolling green pastures and mountain ranges. They brought back memories of her village landscape in Slovakia. The journey was long and tiring. She melted back into the wine velvet train compartment seats. As she ran her fingers over the worn wine-colored velvet seats, she wondered how many other passengers dreamt of a new life in America. She continued to run her hands over the seats and then across the foreheads of her sleeping children. She took a deep breath, relaxed, and realized things will be better as soon as she gets off the train in Camville, Ohio. The gold pieces, other than her two children, were the most important possessions she brought with her to America. She clutched the handkerchief and settled back into her seat as the train coasted along the tracks.
Sitting across from Olga was a smartly dressed gentleman. His navy-blue pin striped suit, red tie, and pocket watch in his vest pocket with the chain draped across his vest indicated he was someone of importance. He was polished, impeccably dressed and so different from any of the men back home in Slovakia. She tried not to stare but would glance over whenever he looked away. He noticed the nervous tension within her, and he cleared his throat and attempted to attract her attention. She purposely tried to avoid a conversation with him.
Finally, he asked, “Are you alright, Miss?”
“Tired,” answered Olga.
“I’ll be getting off at Camville, and you?” he replied.
“I’m also going to Camville,” Olga sighed.
“My, you seem exhausted, and what darling children, I have a child,” he continued, “I can’t wait to get home, excuse me, my name is Langely, John Langely, rude of me not to introduce myself.”
“My husband did not meet me in New York, so I hope he will be at the station in Camville.” Olga answered.
After she said that she thought it too much information to give to a stranger; especially, a man she knows nothing about, a stranger on a train. She was so tired and frustrated that no sense of privacy evaded her. She wanted to burst and scream to the world how sad she was, how tired she was, and just how disappointed she was with Roman.
Langely replied, “Well, he would be a fool not to be at the train station.”
Suddenly the train porter announced, “Next stop, Camville.”
Olga gathered the children. She walked off the train and entered a crowded smoke-filled city. The trains were running constantly along the tracks and the mills were in full swing twenty-four seven producing steel. She looked around the crowd. Her heart raced, and she was anxious, very anxious. She felt her stomach drop and she became scared. Thoughts were running through her mind. Is he here? What do I do now? Then suddenly she spotted Roman. “Roman, here I am, I am here!” she shouted. Olga was so excited she rushed towards Roman and forgot the children. She grabbed Roman. She was overwhelmed with emotions of pain, sadness, happiness, anger, she did not know what she felt. All her apprehension and tiredness left for a moment. The crowd at the station was shoving and pushing. Passengers were in a hurry to exit the train and baggage was thrown around. Everyone was in a state of confusion and excitement. Roman realized the children were missing. She said, “My God, Roman what have you done?” She recognized the shrills of Johnny and Mary in the background and frantically she pulled away from Roman and ran to them.
Exhausted, Olga was torn. Her emotions were twisted between love and fear. Roman was hugging her, but she sensed an emotional distance, and she pulled away from him. He was a stranger to her. She had not seen him for six years. Back in Slovakia, she lived on promises of a new life and a new beginning. She experienced the cries of the frightened children, the distance of a husband she had not seen for six years. Where was this all going for her?
Roman looked so different. He was heavier and had some gray hair along the sides of his hairline. On the other hand, Olga and her children were thin and worn. The last six years back in Slovakia were a struggle for her. She gave birth to a second child, lived in poverty, and protected Roman from a nagging, complaining wife. She took care of problems so Roman could have peace. Olga now questioned her efforts. He looked well-fed and plump with his new life in America. Roman guided his family to a waiting trolley car.
On their way to her new home, they passed remnants of simple wooden shacks with metal sheeting for roofs. Prior to the strike of 1916, Roman assured her, they were where the mill workers lived before the workers unionized. Roman kept rambling on that their living conditions were much better. As she listened, she wondered what this new life he had brought her to would be like. As they continued through East Oldstown on their way to Camville, it was a contrast to the rolling hills and green pastures from her train ride from New York to Camville. The dirty streets and the shops were close together and there was a pungent smell in the air. Not the fresh breathable air of her homeland. Roman promised her a better house provided by the steel mill for the workers. As they pulled up to a section of tight slender row of houses consisting of blocks of twelve units attached together. Olga looked at the slenderness of the homes and her stomach sank. Where was the house Roman promised? She felt as if a two-ton weight pulled it down onto the ground. At that point, she had a tough time lifting herself out of the trolley.
She walked down the short stone pathway to her new home. Somehow all of this was not what she envisioned. It felt as if she was dragging the weight of so many disappointments behind her as she slowly walked to the doorway. She entered the home. The living and kitchen area were two small rooms that one could barely enter, let alone providing space for the children to play. In the kitchen there was limited cabinet space. She noticed an indoor stove and running water, something she lacked in Slovakia. As she went up the narrow winding steps upstairs, she noticed there were two small bedrooms. She realized the children would be cramped together. Olga wondered if this would be the better life Roman promised. She began to unpack and settled the children into their new environment. The children were excited about their new home. For now, Olga thought, but in a few years, they will outgrow the rooms.
Olga turned and looked at her and Roman’s room. Suddenly a sick feeling came over her. She will have to sleep with Roman. A wifely duty she has not performed for six years. Instead of being excited, she was uneasy from the thought of it. He looked so well, and she was thin and pale. She was exhausted from the trip. She remembered how exhaustion was not an excuse and not accepted by the men from the married women in the village back in Slovakia. She remembered numerous conversations amongst her married cousins.
“Oh my, again he wants to grope my body,” a cousin would say, “then after all the work during the day, I must continue into the night.”
The older women would laugh and say to think of something else, it passes. Now Olga was faced with the same problem. She really had no desire for intimacy tonight, but Roman kept looking at her like a lion stalking its prey. The thought was unsettling to her core. What has happened and why has all of this changed? Is it her or Roman who has changed, she thought to herself.
Finally, the children were in bed and asleep. Olga stayed in the kitchen and hoped that Roman would drift off to sleep. No such luck.
“Olga, my love…where are you?” Roman said.
“Here in the kitchen cleaning” Olga replied.
“There will be plenty of time for cleaning…come to bed” Roman demanded.
Olga felt a queasiness in her stomach and slowly went up the narrow winding steps. Each footstep became so heavy, and she wished she could just run back down and out the door. Back to the green landscapes she passed riding on the train or better yet back to Slovakia to the familiar language and sound of the horse carts through the small village. She could not jump out the window, but if she could she imagined herself soaring through the clouds and never coming back. Slowly she reached the top of the stairs. She entered the bedroom and Roman was naked under the covers waiting for her. Shyly she undressed.
“Come ‘on woman…it’s been too long show me how much you’ve missed me” Roman anxiously commanded.
She slid into bed and felt his hands caressed parts of her that have not been touched for six years. She thought, was this the way he touched me or have I just forgotten. Why was it so different than what they had before? Was it the distance of an ocean or was Roman distant? Olga whimpered and moved with Roman. She followed his lead just as she followed him through the years. As usual Roman got what he wanted. Olga was left staring at the ceiling wondering what had just happened. Olga slowly drifted off to sleep and entered an unknown world.
As time went on, the drudgery of everyday life settled in. The children were oblivious to what was going on in the home. Olga tried to please Roman, but he was so preoccupied with work they barely ever saw each other. Olga was beginning to feel like a prop used for cooking, cleaning, taking care of the children, and meeting her wifely duties. Roman also acquired a drinking habit and on one or more occasions had brought home little money for household expenses. He forbade Olga to inquire about him or go to the mill office. Olga talked to the neighborhood women, and they always picked up their husband/s paycheck and were the money handlers in their families. Six months passed and Olga defied Roman and went down to the recruiting office at the mill to see about Roman’s paycheck. With John and Mary in tow, she instructed them not to tell their father they went near the mill. As she entered the office, she was surprised to see the man she met on the train.
“I remember you from the train.” Olga said.
“I wondered what happened to you…did your husband ever meet you?” Langely replied.
Olga was so upset and oblivious to his question she spurted, “I need to find out if my husband has a paycheck, we are so hungry, he said he hasn’t been paid and why is the company not helping us with rent?”
“What do you mean? Tell me your name and address again, and I will check for you.” Langely replied.
“My name is Olga and my husband’s name is Roman and last name is Mosjic,” she said.
“Olga, that’s a lovely name” Langley commented to ease the tension.
After giving Langely the information, she finally felt as though someone would finally help her in this new world. Roman just worked and complained, drank the money away, and left her and the children with sparse cupboards and little food.
Langely took her over to an employee who oversaw the distribution of paychecks. Olga went over to a young woman named Aednat. Once Aednat found out who Olga was she became more than accommodating to her in a covert style. For the last two days Aednat had been with Roman and enjoyed taking gifts from Roman. In fact, Aednat has been in Roman’s life for quite a while. She knew Roman had a wife but never cared. Aedant informed Olga that Roman had picked up his check two days ago. Olga sensed a kindness with Aednat, but something stung her heart when she mentioned Roman’s name because Aednat’s expression turned to one of a cat that was hiding its prey. Unsettled Olga got the information, but still she had no money. Langely was sympathetic but told her she would have to take the matter up with her husband.
Olga left the office, and Aednat felt a sense of power. The more struggle Aedant saw in Olga’s face the more content she was inside. Even for Olga’s children, Aednat had no remorse. After all, it was about survival in this steel mill town of Camville. Aednat remembered her dreams of a good life with a husband and the reality of being locked in a room not permitted to see her child and having to succumb to the supervisor so her husband could attain a better position for the good of the family. Aednat thought Olga would have to learn the dark side of the City of Churches and her children will be just collateral damage along the way. After all, Aednat’s child had endured an abusive upbringing in a steel mill town. Aednat had no choice because her husband needed to advance in order provide a good life, and Aednat whether she liked it or not had no choice but to submit to what her husband demanded of her. Aednat thought to herself that Olga should go to church and pray. Most women in Camville prayed continuously to cope with life. Especially, when the men worked in the labor pools. In the labor pools, one day a job was available and the next day no work, so many men would meet at the main gate to the mill each morning and waited to see their fate for the day or week ahead. The Irish supervisor would select which men would have work that day. The others were told to return home and come back tomorrow. Aednat’s husband to move up traded off Aednat to the supervisor. Like all the other men in the mill, Aedant’s husband was no different. He tried with desperation to escape the bonds of the labor pool in the steel mills of Camville. All of that started when the Irish supervisor eyed Aednat when she worked as a domestic in one of the boarding houses. He promised Langely a position in management and her husband a job outside of the labor pool for a night with Aednat. The supervisor was bored and needed amusement. He was tired of his job, his plump wife, and six children: Aednat would be amusement. Langely arranged the trade with Aednat to secure a position in management for himself and her husband out of the labor pool. Inside the City of Churches was a dark undercurrent that flowed amongst its citizens.
Olga tried to contain herself, but as soon as she exited the building she started crying. The children tugged at her skirt to get her attention. She felt as if she wanted to escape and leave, but what about the children? Her thoughts raced about Roman and what was going on with him. As she walked through the streets, she was touted by the men entering and exiting the saloons. Even though she did not understand what they were saying, their gestures were obscene and universal to imply she is not in a good area of town. The children were upset, and she quickly tried to walk through the badly paved street back to her home. Her head was spinning with thoughts of home and what this promise of a better life turned out to be for her.
Back home she looked around. Home was a place where a rat could barely survive and there was no food in the cupboards. A husband that either worked 16-hour days, frequented saloons, or was there for his occasional sexual pleasure that at most times seemed more like a chore than a loving experience. It was a chore for Olga, and a practice Roman used to ensure Olga did not seek comfort elsewhere. A well-designed trap to fill Olga with guilt to keep staying in the home. A vicious cycle of mental and physical torture. She thought is this a better life for her children. She felt as if chains were wrapping around her tighter and tighter and she was slowly suffocating. How could the love of children turn to such a feeling of such entrapment? What has Roman done to her and her children? It is as if she is pitted against her own children. She wanted to be free. Roman became a cruel and bitter man instead of a loving husband and father. A man who only blamed Olga for all the misery in the home. Whenever Olga tried to mention what the children needed, Roman shut her down. Olga thought what did he know, he was never home. He dictated what should be done with the children and constantly tried to make her question her ability to raise her own children. What kind of man was he? Roman the ambitious young man with dreams. Dreams for his wife and family, or were they? Only dreams for his own ambitions. She frantically ran upstairs and checked Roman’s clothing and drawers. She flipped through his belongings like a desperate animal in search of food as if one’s existence relied on just the next crumb of bread. Finally, she heard Roman enter. It had been two days. The sound of his steps dragged and scraped the floor. Drunk again. She ran down the stairs and quickly she ushered the children up the winding staircase and into their room. She crept down to see what his excuse was this time.
She made it slowly down the narrow winding staircase. Her heart was beating fast, and she nervously clutched her skirt. A fine mist of sweat was on her brow. She turned the corner and there he was. He sat at the small kitchen table.
He sensed her and said, “Where is my food?”
Olga replied, “You haven’t been home for two day and there is no money to buy food.”
“Impossible,” Roman screamed, “I give you money each week…are the little heathens eating that much,” continuing, “or maybe you have other interests and keeping the money hidden…from now on I will buy the food, and you will make do.”
Knowing that Roman was paid, Olga now sensed that something was going on. There was more going on with Roman than overwork, saloons, and whores.
The next day Olga realized she never lived the life she wanted, but the life others wanted her to live. She compromised herself so many times. Why? All she wanted was to live her life the way she wanted and to raise her children. Her world was now upside down. She trusted Roman, believed in Roman. Now who was she? She left her village, and she was not a resident of a village anymore. If she lost her children, was she still a mother? Who was she? Roman had gone off and adapted to life in America. Was Roman a husband? Was he ever a husband? So, in this new world everything she thought she was had been stripped of her. In this steel town, she was defined as who or what? It was a melting pot of ethnicity. She was raised one way and was now confronted with change. Where did she really belong? Where did her children belong? In the safe shell of her village at least there she was defined by her last name and position. Here in America, she was alone. Her last name and position did not help her. Even Roman had stripped her of her role of wife and mother. Was wife and mother someone who was just seen once or twice a week? Given a small amount of money and left to a lonely existence. Olga realized so much changed for her and her children. She became a worn and tired individual bled by others and used until she had nothing left to give. Then what? Exhausted she went upstairs and calmed the children. She went into her bedroom and craved to be released from this small town of Camville.
She slowly uttered to herself, “Sleep, yes, I cannot make it another day, maybe life will be kind to me, and I will not wake up.”
Olga awakened the next day and thought about her life back In the village. She thought about being defined as Roman’s wife, mother of his children, and now all of that was being taken from her in this new world. Was she a mere steppingstone for Roman? Her trusting and naïve upbringing worked against her. She was now something to be discarded into the past. She thought I bore his future, gave birth to his children, and now he has destroyed me. Should she be diminished by this new world or rise and fight for what was hers? Was it ever hers? She left her old world for the new. In this new society, the residents of Camville were stepping over each other to get ahead. The residents were like rats thrown in a well to drown furiously clawing and destroying each other to stay alive. The tearing apart of the families within this City of Churches was unbearable. The whores, gambling, and drunkenness. All the people did in Camville was quell each other’s dreams. Olga learned not to trust. At that point, Olga realized she was stronger than she thought. She searched for the lace handkerchief, which contained her gold coins. She clutched the coins in her hand and realized she did have the strength and the means to escape this situation. She always had it but never realized until now that the heartache and pain she had survived in this new world had given her the character and the strength to move forward. She now realized why her grandmother gave her the coins and told her to keep them secret from everyone. She opened the window and looked out onto the horizon. Suddenly there was a knock on the door.
She heard, “Olga, open the door.”
It was Langely. Olga told the children to go outside and play. Langely looked handsome as the first time she saw him on the train in his suit, and she let him in. As she opened the door, she positioned the handkerchief with the coins behind her. Langely tenderly wrapped his arm around her waist. Her hand had been forced to seek comfort now with a stranger. She knew it was wrong. The children, Roman, and everything suddenly left her thoughts. Langley continued to slide his arm around her waist. At that moment, she melted into a pool of relief as the handkerchief containing the gold coins gently slid down her skirt and onto the floor. The City of Churches swallowed two more lives.
Barbara Dubos started her writing career in 2013. After leading an eclectic life that included traveling throughout the United States and earning an MA in English from Youngstown State University at mid-life, she started researching her family history, which influenced her writing journey. Her childhood memories and family history of being raised in a small steel mill town inspire her writing. Her short story titled “Consumed” was included in the anthology Children of Steel: Short Fiction from Our Historic Steel Mill Towns: Anaphora Literary Press 2024. Currently she writes full-time. When she is not writing, she spends time with her husband, children, and grandchildren.